Men and Eating Disorders: It's Time to "Man Up!"

I'm sure that most guys would want to believe that women are the only ones with eating disorders (ED); however, those of you who have struggled with your weight over the years know, whether you publicly acknowledge it or not, that's not the case. And, hey, I'm no different.

Growing up in a household with a mother who was constantly going from one diet to the next really made an impression on my eating habits. I can remember that along with milk and OJ in the fridge, there would be cans of Tab and Diet Rite (which was the 1st diet soda in the states). Melba toast, cottage cheese, whey powder (from Amway), and tons of grapefruit were always on hand. Oh, and when the low-fat craze hit in the 80s, you better believe that my mom followed suit. I can remember all of the tasty soul food of my youth was ruined by this damn mania! How on earth can you eat fried cabbage seasoned with vegetable oil!

I never really thought that my mom's obsession with losing weight would eventually rear its ugly head in my life once I started to pack on the pounds; unfortunately, that's what happened. Sure, I remember my mom having a copy of the TWA Flight Attendants Diet on the refrigerator door for many years, but I would simply shake my head when I saw it because I thought, and still do, that cottage cheese wasn't meant for human consumption. :)

Nevertheless, I soon realized I didn't have a positive relationship with food when I was faced with losing the freshman 25 that I put on my first year of college. Losing weight, no matter how much you need to lose, is a daunting task at first because you realize that you are going to have to put in an effort that you're obviously not doing or you wouldn't be overweight, right?

So, when I was faced with having to lose weight for the first time in my life, what did I do? I tried to starve myself of course! I made up my mind that I would eat once a day and drink plenty of water. Oh, and I would start lifting weights with my roommates and playing tennis for cardio. As you can imagine, I lost the weight and more people started to notice me on campus, but this victory over the bulge was short lived. Sure, eating once a day was easy during the summer because I was a poor college student working on campus, and I wasn't on the meal plan. So, my "diet" was really easy to follow. As soon as the regular semester started, and my meal plan was reinstated, I regained all the lost weight.

After going up and down with my weight throughout my college years, I started to notice that I had developed a habit of dieting until I couldn't take it, and then I would binge. I have never purged, but my binges grew more severe as the years and pounds came on. One thing I always found interesting about my binges, especially as I got older, is that a pattern had developed.

First, I would be stressed about something going on in my life that I believed I had no control over. Then, I'd usually order delivery with enough food for 2-3 people. Almost immediately after paying the driver and closing the door, I would get this intense feeling of shame and disgust with myself. The more I saw all the food I had ordered, the more I hated myself. Finally, I would think to myself that the best way to rid myself of all these negative feelings is to eat it as quickly as I could. And, that's what I did until I could no longer shovel any more food in my mouth, or I was staring at an empty container. What's crazy about my pattern is that once I finished all, or the majority, of the food, I would feel a sense of relief?!? I would feel this way because I could now throw out the evidence of my binge and act as if it never happened ....

As a result of my night-time binging, all of my weight loss efforts were futile. It was a vicious cycle that I was in, and it was one that I had to break! And, fortunately, that's exactly what I did in 2002, which was the last year that I went on a binge. Now, does this mean that I simply walked away from it with no lasting side effects? Of course not! Just because I didn't actually binge, does not account for the numerous times I "mentally" binged when I was stressed. OK, some guys may think that this type of binging isn't that dangerous because you're not actually going through with the physical act, but I disagree.

When I would give into my midnight gorging sessions, I was obviously acting on urges and not allowing myself to think them through before acting on them. Similar to a child going with a stranger who has a pretty balloon or piece of candy, I binged with no more thought than "I'm stressed and I'm hungry .... no, I'm really hungry". All of the regret and shame came after the food actually arrived and soon went away once I hid the evidence. So, stopping this behavior was more about me becoming more conscious about my destructive behavior and changing it. It really is that simple, but that's why I say that the "mental binges" are worse.

They are worse because they mean that you have not quieted that voice of doubt in the back of your head. Fellas, you know the voice I'm talking about. No? Sure you do. It's that little voice that tells you that "You'll never lose weight!"; it's the voice that says "I don't care how hard you try that program won't work for you FAT BOY!" or "Everyone in your family is fat, so what makes you special?". Depending on how much weight you need to lose or how long you've been overweight, this voice can be as quiet as an occasional whisper (which I still hear) to a patronizing proclamation of your weight loss failure!

Having "mental binges" means that you are not fully confident that you can really lose weight and keep it off this time. In addition to nutrition and physical training, you must address this voice guys; don't ignore it or act as if it's not there. Oh, it's there and it's not going anywhere as long as you ignore or try to run away from it. One thing I can honestly say is that you have to face the voice! Today, may not be the day, but there will come a day that you are going to have to simply "Man Up!" and face that voice and listen to all the negative, sarcastic, and patronizing things it has to say. Soak it ALL up and don't turn away when it gets a bit more than you think you can handle. Stay there, don't shy away because you've done that before.

After taking all that abuse, don't make excuses or even feel remorse for what was said. Remember it and USE IT for motivation because I have a little secret for you guys. The more goals you set and achieve, the less you can hear that voice in the back of your head. Listen, if you need to lose 100 lbs., I can guarantee that the voice you hear now, won't be as noticeable when you lose 75 of that 100 lbs.

Unlike boxing and MMA where they tell you to kill the body and the head will die, in weight loss and management you must control the head (your brain that is) and the body will follow. Mentally come to grip with your ED and start mapping out strategies to deal with it, and ultimately "Man Up"!

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