Men and Eating Disorders: It's Time to "Man Up!"

I'm sure that most guys would want to believe that women are the only ones with eating disorders (ED); however, those of you who have struggled with your weight over the years know, whether you publicly acknowledge it or not, that's not the case. And, hey, I'm no different.

Growing up in a household with a mother who was constantly going from one diet to the next really made an impression on my eating habits. I can remember that along with milk and OJ in the fridge, there would be cans of Tab and Diet Rite (which was the 1st diet soda in the states). Melba toast, cottage cheese, whey powder (from Amway), and tons of grapefruit were always on hand. Oh, and when the low-fat craze hit in the 80s, you better believe that my mom followed suit. I can remember all of the tasty soul food of my youth was ruined by this damn mania! How on earth can you eat fried cabbage seasoned with vegetable oil!

I never really thought that my mom's obsession with losing weight would eventually rear its ugly head in my life once I started to pack on the pounds; unfortunately, that's what happened. Sure, I remember my mom having a copy of the TWA Flight Attendants Diet on the refrigerator door for many years, but I would simply shake my head when I saw it because I thought, and still do, that cottage cheese wasn't meant for human consumption. :)

Nevertheless, I soon realized I didn't have a positive relationship with food when I was faced with losing the freshman 25 that I put on my first year of college. Losing weight, no matter how much you need to lose, is a daunting task at first because you realize that you are going to have to put in an effort that you're obviously not doing or you wouldn't be overweight, right?

So, when I was faced with having to lose weight for the first time in my life, what did I do? I tried to starve myself of course! I made up my mind that I would eat once a day and drink plenty of water. Oh, and I would start lifting weights with my roommates and playing tennis for cardio. As you can imagine, I lost the weight and more people started to notice me on campus, but this victory over the bulge was short lived. Sure, eating once a day was easy during the summer because I was a poor college student working on campus, and I wasn't on the meal plan. So, my "diet" was really easy to follow. As soon as the regular semester started, and my meal plan was reinstated, I regained all the lost weight.

After going up and down with my weight throughout my college years, I started to notice that I had developed a habit of dieting until I couldn't take it, and then I would binge. I have never purged, but my binges grew more severe as the years and pounds came on. One thing I always found interesting about my binges, especially as I got older, is that a pattern had developed.

First, I would be stressed about something going on in my life that I believed I had no control over. Then, I'd usually order delivery with enough food for 2-3 people. Almost immediately after paying the driver and closing the door, I would get this intense feeling of shame and disgust with myself. The more I saw all the food I had ordered, the more I hated myself. Finally, I would think to myself that the best way to rid myself of all these negative feelings is to eat it as quickly as I could. And, that's what I did until I could no longer shovel any more food in my mouth, or I was staring at an empty container. What's crazy about my pattern is that once I finished all, or the majority, of the food, I would feel a sense of relief?!? I would feel this way because I could now throw out the evidence of my binge and act as if it never happened ....

As a result of my night-time binging, all of my weight loss efforts were futile. It was a vicious cycle that I was in, and it was one that I had to break! And, fortunately, that's exactly what I did in 2002, which was the last year that I went on a binge. Now, does this mean that I simply walked away from it with no lasting side effects? Of course not! Just because I didn't actually binge, does not account for the numerous times I "mentally" binged when I was stressed. OK, some guys may think that this type of binging isn't that dangerous because you're not actually going through with the physical act, but I disagree.

When I would give into my midnight gorging sessions, I was obviously acting on urges and not allowing myself to think them through before acting on them. Similar to a child going with a stranger who has a pretty balloon or piece of candy, I binged with no more thought than "I'm stressed and I'm hungry .... no, I'm really hungry". All of the regret and shame came after the food actually arrived and soon went away once I hid the evidence. So, stopping this behavior was more about me becoming more conscious about my destructive behavior and changing it. It really is that simple, but that's why I say that the "mental binges" are worse.

They are worse because they mean that you have not quieted that voice of doubt in the back of your head. Fellas, you know the voice I'm talking about. No? Sure you do. It's that little voice that tells you that "You'll never lose weight!"; it's the voice that says "I don't care how hard you try that program won't work for you FAT BOY!" or "Everyone in your family is fat, so what makes you special?". Depending on how much weight you need to lose or how long you've been overweight, this voice can be as quiet as an occasional whisper (which I still hear) to a patronizing proclamation of your weight loss failure!

Having "mental binges" means that you are not fully confident that you can really lose weight and keep it off this time. In addition to nutrition and physical training, you must address this voice guys; don't ignore it or act as if it's not there. Oh, it's there and it's not going anywhere as long as you ignore or try to run away from it. One thing I can honestly say is that you have to face the voice! Today, may not be the day, but there will come a day that you are going to have to simply "Man Up!" and face that voice and listen to all the negative, sarcastic, and patronizing things it has to say. Soak it ALL up and don't turn away when it gets a bit more than you think you can handle. Stay there, don't shy away because you've done that before.

After taking all that abuse, don't make excuses or even feel remorse for what was said. Remember it and USE IT for motivation because I have a little secret for you guys. The more goals you set and achieve, the less you can hear that voice in the back of your head. Listen, if you need to lose 100 lbs., I can guarantee that the voice you hear now, won't be as noticeable when you lose 75 of that 100 lbs.

Unlike boxing and MMA where they tell you to kill the body and the head will die, in weight loss and management you must control the head (your brain that is) and the body will follow. Mentally come to grip with your ED and start mapping out strategies to deal with it, and ultimately "Man Up"!

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Update: Please take a few seconds to answer the poll I've posted about this entry--thanks!

Are you scale-phobic?

Gentlemen,

I want to appeal to a less emotional and more rationale side of you today, OK? So, do me a favor and check your emotions at the door--thanks.

I know that many of you can identify with the idea of being scale-phobic. Surely you've experienced the sweaty palms of anticipation smacking against your belly as you steady yourself on the scale? Society would have us to believe that women are the only ones who dread getting on the scale, but this simply ain't true. Many men, especially those with dunlap disease, deplore the thought of having to be weighed when going for a physical.

Fellas, don't worry about how you've reacted in the past about the scale because today's a new day, and you're going to approach this with a different mind set this time. Yes, the scale can help to feed that negative voice of doubt you hear inside as you start on yet another weight loss journey; however, that's just one way of looking at it. You can also view it as simply one tool you'll use on your journey to determine if you're program is giving you measurable results.

As, I've said, there's no room to be emotional about the scale anymore because you're using your fear of the scale as a crutch to not be accountable to yourself. Listen, I weigh myself everyday; yes, I really do because how else will I get to know how my bodyweight fluctuates on a daily basis? How else will I hold myself accountable for pigging out (read: eating too many calories) on nuts and the ensuing, and inevitable, water weight gain that occurs? The scale, in many respects, keeps you honest and accountable.

Guys, if you don't have one, go out and get yourself a nice digital scale. Also, pick up a simple day planner to record your daily weight as you're on this journey. OK, I know that pen and paper sounds so 80s, so for the computer addicts you may consider using fitday or fittracker, which is an online diet journal with many free tools; however, before you start weighing yourself daily, I have some practical tips for you:

• your body weight fluctuates 1-5 lbs on a daily basis because of fluid retention. So, if you weigh 285 on Monday and 289 the next day, don't freak out and think that you've gained 4 lbs of fat because you haven't. It's OK, just keep following your program and recording your weight because you'll start to see that that the gaps will start to shift downward.
  
  
• to account for these fluctuations, determine your bodyweight on a weekly basis. Basically, weigh yourself everyday, add up a week's worth, and divide it by seven to get your weekly average. I would calculate my average weight each Saturday after I weighed myself. Do this for every week of the month, and then average the weeks out to get your monthly average.
  
  
• view the scale not as an enemy but as a valuable ally, companion, and tool on your weight loss journey. Along with a tape measure, body fat calipers, your clothes, and bathroom mirror, your scale is but one tool that will help you determine if your program is giving you the results you want.
  
  
• this is a methodical process and not an emotional one. View weighing yourself as emotional as you would watching paint dry on a door. Instead of being emotional, learn from the process. You'll start to get to know how your body reacts to certain nutritional situations (bottomless bowl night at the local Italian restaurant), stressful events (wifey wasn't working late after all), exercising, etc. In addition, you'll begin to see just how much control you actually have over your bodyweight.

No more lying, no more guesstimating, and no more fear! Go, get on the scale and write down the three numbers in your planner, close the planner, and move on with your day without giving how much you weighed a second thought. If you're too large to use a regular scale, go and find a place that would have a freight scale or go to your nearest recycling center. Approach that scale no differently.

Finally, be patient; it's going to take at least two to three months before things really become interesting, as you'll have more numbers to compare and contrast. The less emotional you are, the more enjoyable recording and charting your weight loss will be.